Im waiting and i just noticed ive been waiting on this phone on hold for over a year now. I wonder who youre talking to on the other line for so long. Ive become so accustomed to voicemails and busy tones so I dont mind when our conversations take four weeks to finish. I guess it happens that way because every time we speak you feel like its a punishment. before i open my mouth i write it all down to cautiously analyz what I say before I say it so I dont hear anymore busy tones. And if I do ill just take it as you wanted me to write again You wanted me to think harder, use my brain So my mind will grow. Thats all you ever wanted, my brain to grow. MY mind to be full and fruitful with knowledge and thoughts and wisdom that Ill discover from the pain and hoplesness caused by the voicemails and busy tones. While in the midst of my mind growth we have neglected my heart which has shrunk three times smaller since we have started the journey up to my head. When we arrived there it looked as if im a diagnost hoarder with no room to place another thought around my what was spaceish mind. Who wouldve thought we could fit so much up there in such a short time or has it been a long time. Ive seemed to have lost that thought deep within the depths of my brain. But if we took a small row boat just us two back down to my heart we could work as farmers. Tenderly and patiently reviving the crop from a harsh winter. Strong it will grow and as the crop relied on this attention, we will be rewarded with a pulse of love through our veins. Our blood so blue flowing through these veins you could now see our maps clearly. And followed these maps two each others heart we could. Beeeeeeeep beeeeeeep I feel like my heart stopped. Why did my heart stop. Oh wait that was just another busy tone. The person you have reached has a voice mail box that has not bewn set up yet. Goodbye.
I try to wash every inch of me you have tainted. But there is not a place you have not touched, and I can’t wash my soul.
Even though you’ve put me through the scariest, most hellish part of my life to date, I thank you because I’m stronger now than I ever have been before. I’ve survived and I did it all by myself. Thank you for showing me how strong I am.